Badass text adventure games
yo! i'm kfsb. i write crypt shyfter, a series of badass text adventure games set in an absurd fantasy universe filled with barbarians, shapeshifting star monsters, and pizza!
the coolest thing about crypt shyfter is that the games aren't just text adventures: if you're a dungeon master who always gets stuck running games, crypt shyfter gives you the chance to become a player again.
on top of that, if you're running out of ideas for your own tabletop campaign, you can use the crypt shyfter adventures as pre-made modules for your own group- no prep required ;)
that's the TLDR version. if you want the long dramatic version, click here.
Between the time when the oceans drank Kadabra, and the rise of the mighty Ikkagu, there was an age undreamed of, when computer games lacked graphics and were made purely of text! Some proud gamers equate these barbaric adventures to primitive cave drawings, but these primordial works of art were the first stepping stones that led to the RPGs we know and love today. Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!
A QUEST FOR BADASSITY
Welcome to the Crypt Shyfter universe! I’m Kung Fu Space Barbarian and I’ll be your Dungeon Master as you play through these absurd adventures.
Under my loving guidance you’ll explore strange new worlds and battle hideous monsters. I’ll watch in amused silence as you rescue silly peasants and smite hideous evil with your beefy biceps and sexy tushy!
But more than anything else, I swear an oath to lead you on dozens of exciting adventures filled with heroic badasses, evil shapeshifting cyborgs, and lots of yummy pizza!
I am your humble servant, mighty hero. I am the barbaric bard who will sing songs of your victories and weave tales of your glories. Heck, I’ll even make sure you look good when you die!
So come! If you feel a primal urge to go on epic quests, battle evil, and become a legendary hero, then take my beefy barbarian hand and follow me! I will show you worlds of wonder and visions of glory.
I’ll be the spark that ignites your imagination.
OLD SCHOOL FANTASY TEXT ADVENTURES
But wait! you say. These games have no graphics! They’re just blocks of text… this is blasphemy! You can’t call these games! They… they’re books! And books stink! Video games rule!
Bah! Leave your silly misgivings at the foot of my cave, for we have no need of fancy graphics here. We are a primitive folk! What use are colorful pixels and chiptune music to a barbarian? Such things were created for the coddled masses of civilization- not uncouth savages like us!
Besides, you don’t need some stuffy pixel artist to show you what a dragon looks like! Your beautiful brain can create its own images of dragons- AND you can picture them exactly the way you want. Like your dragons to have red scales and curved horns? Done! Maybe you prefer cute cartoon dragons? You got it! Or perhaps your heart races at the thought of grim, hulking dragons with bloody claws and serrated fangs? Fuck yeah!
With a bit of imagination you can visualize a beast far more interesting and terrifying than anything even the most skilled developer could hope to render on a screen.
PLAY ON ANY DEVICE
The Crypt Shyfter adventures are made with a program called Twine. Each adventure is nothing more than a series of web pages, so the games load quickly on any device.
The format is simple, but don’t mistake simple for boring! Crypt Shyfter adventures are filled with swashbuckling action, daring rescues, epic adventures, and sweeping romance!
…jk they’re raunchy and violent and filled with lots of swearing and fart jokes. You should totally play them!
JOIN THE TRIBE
Can't get enough Crypt Shyfter? Neither can we! Come hang out with us in the pizza/arcade lounge to play live action text adventures and discuss your favorite ways to kill a Shyfter!
If you really wanna transform yourself from a puny barbarian wimpling into an Ultimate Badass, join me on Patreon! You'll unlock all the secret goodies and help support your favorite barbarian in the process ;)
Together we will probe the depths of our imaginations and build an entire universe around this wacky series known as CRYPT SHYFTER!